Lived with a guy for 7 years, parted twice. I always left, the initiator of reconciliation was also me. Left because he raised his hand at me. Then we lived together for a year, and this year was my hell. And now they parted – and I want to return it. But he, it seems to me, has long wanted to live without me.
I feel very bad. I can’t do anything. I can’t watch how he rejoices in life. These were the first serious relationship. Everything went to the wedding, everything was bought. What to do, how to live on? Get sick or return? What if I like such a relationship? It scares me! Why do I want to return to where I was bad?
I suppose that you want to return not to where it was bad, but where it was good too. You write that this is the first serious relationship and they lasted for a long time. Accordingly, there were many good moments, joint plans and a lot more, what would not be depreciated now, but, on the contrary, notice, release and mourn.
It is important to accept that with this person your common path https://www.heritagegloves.com/articles/social-aspects-of-playing-bingo-on-non-gamstop-websites_1.html has ended, and it ended not too nice and easy. After all, even after he raised your hand, you returned to him and tried to maintain a relationship, but nothing came of it.
So yes, your work now is to remember yourself. And return, take your hopes, dreams and illusions for yourself. And then consider them well, to question and estimate which of them are really yours and you do not want to refuse them (for example, the value of relations and patience in relation to another), and what time to “throw out” (for example, the hope that a person is that a personthat raised a hand on you once, he will never do it again).
So the cycle of violence works: having left the relationship and restoring your strength, you are almost ready to return to them again. After all, you, which is now, is more powerful and independent. It may seem that you are knee -deep. And also gnaws longing for it and for the good that you have not yet been recognized, not mourned and buried.
So your longing for a partner in a relationship where it was hard for you is a normal reaction. Precisely because it is part of the completion of the relationship. But you should not rely on it so much in making a decision, what do you do next.
And another important point that determines most of your attraction to the former young man. You write that you cannot, but still continue to look at how he lives without you. And evaluate what you see, so that he lives without you well, rejoices in life.
If you come to this conclusion, relying on what it present, for example, in social networks, then my recommendation to you is to stop doing this, however difficult it may be. For two reasons: firstly, you still see only what he shows there, and this is always only part of life. Secondly, looking at this, you hurt yourself. I undermine your determination to part finally, shake self -confidence.